Category: Memory

Music…

I’m Alive

Sign of Angels

Issa

and Words

There’s a feeling deep inside me
Can’t describe it, but it made me see
That life is stronger than both you and me
Once a fire burned so brightly
But your heat turned our love into sand
Don’t ask me, baby
Why it has to end

I’m alive
Without you
And I’m better off alone
Like a queen on her throne

Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.

Shortly after I arrive at Breakfast Club one morning, my friend Kelly turns to me and asks, “Are you okay?”  These days, we meet over Skype, and it’s currently just the two of us in the room.  He wasn’t asking in an ironic or sarcastic way; he asked genuinely.  While I’m touched by the gesture, I’m honestly a little perplexed.  I don’t post about every minutia of my life on social media, and we meet pretty regularly.  I mentally reflected on recent events and came up blank.

As it happens, it was a response to a recent post in this blog, where I wrote a personal experience towards the end of that post.  Those words genuinely expressed how we felt.  That night and that particular moment shattered us.  It remains to this day, one of the most devastating days in memory.  However, scribing these words have a magical healing, much like draining the poison off a snake bite.

Continue reading “Synergistic Negativity” →

Music…

Follow Your Heart

Thunder Seven

Triumph

and Words

People say
Don′t ever look behind
Happiness is just a state of mind
Rock and roll lives and breathes in the hearts of the young

So carry on
You’re runnin′ on borrowed time
Tryin’ hard to survive
Keep on runnin’
Your time is comin’
Keep your dreams alive

Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.

As I entered my tenth grade English class in high school one morning, I realized that we had a test that completely slipped my mind.  This particular test was a simple vocabulary test.  Our workbook introduced us to a collection of new words and their definition, and for the test we simply needed to scribble down the definition and perhaps use it in a sentence.  Vocabulary lessons like this taught me words like ‘elicit’ and ‘illicit’ that may sound similar but are very different.

While I only needed about five or ten minutes to look over the words carefully preceding the test, I did not and thus I failed that test.  Following my disastrous first year, I changed my trajectory and transitioned to nearly a straight-A student.  Honestly, I didn’t worry about it.  I did the math in my head and understood that this failed test would not affect my grade at all.  It may bring my grade down 1-2%, but I consistently scored in the mid to high 90%.

Continue reading “Someone who believed” →

Music…

As I Lay Me Down

Whaler

Sophie B. Hawkins

and Words

It felt like spring time on this February morning

In a courtyard birds were singing your praise
I’m still recalling things you said to make me feel alright
I carried them with me today now

As I lay me down to sleep
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I’m far away
I’ll whisper your name into the sky
And I will wake up happy

Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.

In the mid-1990’s, a song captivated my ears.  Truthfully, her voice mesmerized me as much as the words she sang; that voice held a delicate femininity.  When I discovered that Sophie B. Hawkins would come to Seattle on tour, I simply needed to go.  I cast a wide net; I sent mails to many friends asking if any were interested.  These were the days before streaming music services (or really even the internet), so I copied a few sound files to a share and had them sample it.

I got one bite.  A Vietnamese friend who knew her by her music, but not her name agreed to join me.  While he was more familiar with her debut album, we still went and enjoyed the evening.  We also made plans to have dinner that evening, and it was a date, of sorts.  I was delighted to have seen her in concert.

Continue reading “The fragility of teen hood” →

Music…

Gimme Some Lovin’

The Best of the Spencer Davis Group

The Spencer Davis Group

and Words

Hey

Well, my temperature’s rising, and my feet on the floor
Crazy people knocking ’cause they’re wanting some more
Let me in, baby, I don’t know what you got
But you better take it easy, this place is hot

And I’m so glad we made it
So glad we made it
Why won’t you gimme some lovin’
Gimme some lovin’
Gimme some lovin’ every day

Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.

As I closed my freshman year in high school, my trajectory steadily declined.  No, I sugarcoat it; I steered my future steadily into impending death, like a Kamikaze pilot.  Many high school friends likely don’t remember me from ninth grade, but that’s because I rarely attended.  My algebra teacher once shamed me with, “Mr. Wong, you’re out of school more often than you’re in school.”  Then everything abruptly changed.

One might easily conclude that this occurred between ninth and tenth grade.  It didn’t; it occurred as I took my final on World History.  Entering the final, I had a failing grade.  Our teacher, Mr. Beasley did one last review session, and I paid attention and aced that final.  For years, I struggled to decipher what motivated me to change.  Mrs. Broadwell, my English and Latin teacher, once asked me point blank as she praised me for the change, and I honestly responded with, “I don’t know.”

Continue reading “Rethinking my destiny” →

Music…

The Metro

Pleasure Victim

Berlin

and Words

I’m alone, sitting with my empty glass
My four walls follow me through my past
I was on a Paris train, I emerged in London rain
And you were waiting there, swimming through apologies

I remember searching for the perfect words
I was hoping you might change your mind
I remember a soldier sleeping next to me
Riding on the Metro

Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.

Right as I entered high school, music permeated much of my life.  With the launch of MTV just the year before, music not only had the audio element, but also the visual elements.  At times we would finally visualize our favorite bands and put a face to the voice.  Some artists used video exceptionally, like Duran Duran; they were often accused of using sex to sell their product, though never denied it.  Other artists like AC/DC lazily released concert clips; their efforts a merely checkbox in a list of ‘must do’s’.

The video for the single release of ‘The Metro’ launched Berlin’s success and put them on the map.  Terri Nunn’s vocals anchored the group distinctive sound, a combination of synth-pop that was so popular in the 1980’s.  The video pulls you into journey, nay… an adventure, through the European train (“I was on a Paris train”).  While the song painted a picture of European flair; the video crystalized it with cut-scenes that mimicked and array of cities.  Nunn’s voice had a sliver of an accent, which I assumed to be of German descent.

Continue reading “Imagining a different princess” →

Music…

Something to Say

Fear

Toad the Wet Sprocket

and Words

He’s got a thing ’bout losin’ control
Carries it a mile just to see how far he’ll go
Brushes up his chops as he tries to fake a smile
A friend indeed, but I need someone to stay a while
Someone to stay a while

You can bend my ear
We will talk all day
Just make sure I’m around when you’ve finally got somethin’ to say

Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.

About a year after I started at Microsoft, we welcomed a new developer to the team.  Jim’s office sat across the hall from mine, though initially we didn’t work on the same project.  However, we’d chat out in the open from our respective desks.  On one of those early days, he stood at my door as we chatted and looked upon my corkboard.  He marveled about the commemorative Space Shuttle Challenger license plate I had pinned up there, and asked, “How did you get that?”  I explained that I moved from the Miami area, and it was a gift from a friend upon my departure.

Jim confessed that he moved from Florida as well, and that he watched that very same Space Shuttle Challenger explode on his rearview mirror as he drove.  While we didn’t run in any of the same circles in Florida, having a fellow Floridian made me a bit less homesick.  That may have been the very start of our friendship, over 30 years ago.

Continue reading “Living his truth” →

Music…

All Through the Night

She’s So Unusual

Cyndi Lauper

and Words

All through the night
I’ll be awake and I’ll be with you
All through the night
This precious time when time is new

Oh, All through the night today
Knowin’ that we feel the same without sayin’
We have no past, we won’t reach back
Keep with me forward all through the night

Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.

I endured high school during the 1980’s and definitely lived the life of a computer geek.  Back then computers were in their infancy, and all anyone really did with them was word processing, gaming, and programming.  I excelled at computer programming, enough to represent my high school in competition.  Eventually, I went to study engineering at the University of Miami.  That said, my existence in high school mostly felt like that of a misfit.  I consistently hovered in the edges of society.

Few popular books (or movies) portray people like me.  That is people who collect trivial knowledge about video games, computers, and RPG.  When we picture protagonists, we don’t see people like me.  Eventually, we get the Ready Player One.  Ernest Cline released the book, his first novel, in 2011.  Honestly, it remained off my radar until the release of the film in 2018.  Though upon the release of the film, I purchased the novel and read it.

Continue reading “Parting ways with Art3mis” →

Music…

Hurts So Good

American Fool

John Cougar Mellencamp

and Words

When I was a young boy
Said put away those young boy ways
Now that I’m gettin’ older, so much older
I long for those young boy days

With a girl like you
With a girl like you
Lord knows there are things we can do, baby
Just me and you
Come on and make it, uh

Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.

My older sister drove a Ford Mustang during the 1980’s.  It had a four-cylinder, turbo-charged engine.  She had over four years on me, so I spent many years riding in that car before getting my own wheels.  Though I distinctly remember riding in the back of that car, as in the hatchback section, along with too many of our friends.  We packed ourselves like sardines, three across that hatchback section.  Once the car got sufficient speed, the pressure from the air flow pushed the hatchback down and locked us in until we reached our destination.

On one particularly day, this song comes on over the radio, John Cougar’s ‘Hurts So Good’.  Being in a particularly happy mood, we collective broke out in song.  Though some of us remained packed like sardines in a tin can, we continued singing until the end of that song.  I don’t believe that any of us reflected on the words of the song that bellowed from our lips.  We just noisily acquiesced and joined in, many of us offkey I’m sure.

Continue reading “Breaking away from my roots” →

Music…

Far Beyond The Sun

The Yngwie Malmsteen Collection

Yngwie J. Malmsteen

and Words

Instrumental

Historically, my musical tastes have always leaned towards hard rock.  My fascination with music started with Def Leppard, and in many ways that’s the way in which this blog started.  That said, my tastes landed consistently on the hard rock side of popular music.  On one bookend, music from the South Florida airways filled my ears, while I zipped between a half-dozen presets in the car.  On the other bookend, hours of our console television glued to MTV bombarded the senses with flashing images.

Of course, that picture was far from perfect.  Though radio stations of different genres lined the entire dial, I picked the music that sounded familiar and resonated in my ears.  As for MTV, they wouldn’t even play Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean until Epic records threatened to pull their other artists from the channel.  Still, the music continued to flow, and I was none the wiser.

Continue reading “Expanding my horizons” →

Music…

The Reflex

Seven and the Ragged Tiger

Duran Duran

and Words

You’ve gone too far this time
But I’m dancing on the Valentine
I tell you somebody’s fooling around
With my chances on the danger line

I’ll cross that bridge when I find it
Another day to make my stand, oh woah
High time is no time for deciding
If I should find a helping hand, oh woah

Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.

I got horrifically poor grades during my freshman year in high school.  I didn’t try to get poor grades; I simply didn’t care.  At that stage of my life, I simply drifted.  I moved like a car when we lift our foot off the brake.  I moved but barely and with no purpose or destination.  Neither angst nor frustration filled me.  If anything filled me at all was apathy.  I’m surprised that it didn’t end up more horrifically, but even in my apathy, my mind captured facts and some subjects came naturally.

On my second year in high school, I turned things around.  Truthfully, I can’t tell you precisely what changed, though I have some educated guesses.  That return to academics started with an uncharacteristically practical class:  typing.  Each morning, I wondered into the second-floor hallway with the business classes.  Entered a large, brightly lit room with small desks arranged into neat rows.  Each desk held an IBM Selectric typewriter; this was my main tool of the trade for one hour each morning.

Continue reading “One keystroke at a time” →