and Words
How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb
Without a soul, my spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up) wake me up inside (I can’t wake up), wake me up inside
(Save me) call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) bid my blood to run (I can’t wake up) before I come undone
(Save me) save me from the nothing I’ve become
Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.
Shortly after the turn of the millennium (yes, I know how that sounds), a song got persistent airplay. I mean this literally; it was played consistently on the radio. The radio station pumped that music through the airwaves and into the radio, which I listened to most frequently in my car. I spent many evenings driving the Western Washington freeways for just the feel of the road. Naturally, the music added to that bliss. Mostly, I played my own music.
Occasionally, I tuned the radio. I darted back and forth among half a dozen preset stations in the car. The radio DJ’s will normally announce the name of the song and artist either immediately before or shortly after the song plays. Strangely, for this particular song the DJ’s persistently neglected to mention either one. One station very maddeningly simply referred to it as ‘the song’.
On an otherwise boring Monday night, I shop at the grocery store. As I leave the store, I open the passenger-side door to my Honda Del Sol and carefully place the bags of groceries onto my passenger seat. Next, I climb into the seat of the two-seater and turn the ignition. This song… ‘the song’ plays through my speakers. I quickly reach into my pocket and grab my phone. I manage to record a short clip of this song.
My early music tastes leaned towards hard rock with the likes of Def Leppard. As a teenager, I discovered their music with the High ‘n’ Dry album. It felt like my own personal discovery as I knew no one else (other than my sisters) who owned this album. Naturally, upon the release of Pyromania, Def Leppard exploded, but I arrived early. I felt a certain kinship.
This new song on the radio fascinated me in the same way. There have been many other releases by hard rock bands, both new bands and new music by familiar artist. While they were all good and even memorable, they lacked that same enchantment. Listening to this song became the musical equivalent of catching someone’s gaze from across the room; it sparked both excitement and intimacy. And now, much like that moment exchanging glances, I must meet this stranger.
The woman’s voice bellowed powerfully though with a distinct femininity. The words screamed of both significance and desperation. There were rap-like verses interspersed into the song. Ordinarily this would’ve turned me off, but in this particular case it flowed well. Still the name of the song or artist eluded me. I mentally cursed the radio stations. If you wonder why I didn’t simply use Shazam or the like, they wouldn’t be available for a few years.
This song haunted me. Even while I went to the movies and watched Daredevil, it continued to mock me. I could not escape even in a darkened movie theater. It featured a scene with Elektra, played by Jennifer Garner, set to this very song. The film portrayed the scene exceptionally, with Elektra wielding Sai on each hand. The darkness and stark emptiness of the room in the scene mirrored the state of the film. Though none of that registered; the puzzle consumed me.
Finally, on one day, I found my answer. Strangely, I don’t quite remember how I finally discovered it. I might’ve played that short clip that I recorded in my car to a friend who recognized the song. A merciful DJ may have finally announced the artist or song name instead of calling it ‘the song’. Or I could’ve recognized enough of the lyrics where a web search finally yielded results.
The Song was ‘Bring Me To Life’ by Evanescence; if you had asked me to spell the word ‘Evanescence’ before that day, I would’ve failed.
As I learned more about the song and the band, it all started to make sense. Evanescence just started to emerge. The film Daredevil, which featured that very song, debuted in February 2003, a month before the release of ‘Fallen’, their debut album. The information was all there, you simply needed to know where to look.
Many debated whether they were a Christian Band. With verses like “Without a soul, my spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold”, I can’t deny the spiritual references. Though at least to me, it simply tells a story, it doesn’t necessarily steer you in any direction. On a grander level, it didn’t matter if they were a Christian Band, as long as the music spoke to me. For reference, Amy Lee and Ben Moody (founding members of the band) met at a Christian youth camp. Though just because Lee is a Christian, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re a Christian Band.
Though as I reflect on the lyrics, I think about the words “Wake me up inside” and “Save me from the nothing I’ve become”. With the implication that she wakes up to the spiritual truth, indeed to enlightenment (depending on your faith). ‘Waking up’ becomes synonymous with wisdom and empathy. Today, that awakening has morphed into the term ‘woke’ and laced with negativity. The assertion (and label) is that one can be excessively wise, empathetic, or accommodating.
Similarly, we aspire to make progress as a society, to indeed evolve and improve. Change is inevitable; figurative Pandora Boxes opened all over the place. We can’t put the genie back in the bottle. The only direction is forward, not back. The adjective form of ‘progress’ is ‘progressive’, and that too has become a ‘dirty’ word.
As for Evanescence, I got ‘Fallen’ shortly after its release, in the first week of March 2003. I now played the tune to my heart’s content. Shortly after they debuted, they held a concert in Tacoma, about an hour’s drive away from my home. It took place literally less than two weeks from the release of their album.
While I considered attending that concert, I ultimately decided not to attend. I generally prefer studio music over live music, and I knew of no one else who even knew about this band. Now, decades later, I have a little regret over skipping that concert, though it’s not something that I can go back and change. It fondly remains a snapshot in memory.