and Words
When I’m away from you
I’m happier than ever
Wish I could explain it better
I wish it wasn’t true
Give me a day or two to think of something clever
To write myself a letter
To tell me what to do, mm-mm
Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.
I rarely track new music artists these days; I find fewer opportunities to listen to new music as I go on my daily tasks. When I do listen to music, I generally resort to a poorly fitting playlist that I simply call ‘Good Tunes’. On a lazy Sunday evening, I turned to some music awards show on television. I listen somewhat absentmindedly on the background as I continue to type away on my Surface Book. My keys continued to click loudly on the mechanical keyboard as different artist cycle through the awards and the stage. Most of them whom I recognize only by name, but others whose name I don’t even register.
A young woman comes to the stage. I recognize her name, but only because I had browsed the music for 13 Reasons Why. Her name is Billie Eilish; I know nothing about her. I see that she’s a fascination among young listeners, but that’s about it. Initially, she plays a song on stage, and I first notice the brightly colored hair in sections. The top of her head glows a green or yellow hue that one might see from a tennis ball and below that it’s jet black. Then, she sings powerfully from the stage in an outfit that may fit someone twice her size. Honestly, I dismiss her. In my mind, she became yet another artist that uses style as a simple publicity stunt. It’s just something else that may set her apart from the ocean of other artists, all vying for your attention.
The words ‘not normal’ may have even crossed my mind, though I wouldn’t presume to mock her, like Matt Mackowiak did on Twitter. It just wasn’t my thing.
I don’t implicitly hold distain for new music. I had a distain for bands like Mötley Crüe, which seemed too focused on commercial success over creating memorable music… or other bands for other reasons. New music is simply… well new and hence unfamiliar. Over the next few months, I see her in increasing number of places. Jimmy Fallon copies one of her videos during The Tonight Show, with scenes interjected mocking COVID-19 protocols. Little by little, my mind collects tidbits of data about her, much like I may collect Lego pieces to form a bigger cohesive structure. Still, she’s generally off my radar.
On yet another late evening after the local news, she appeared to pay a song off her latest album. This was that song, “Happier Than Ever”. The song starts with her vocals and the soft playing of a ukulele. It sounds out of a scene from a relaxing tropical beach at sunset. I’m bluntly perplexed by the appeal and the popularity. After a minute, I turn the channel and move on to other things. It’s not as if I detest the song, I’m simply not compelled to listen to it.
Weeks later, I watched this little commercial for Beat Saber. It’s incredibly well done, and it makes playing Beat Saber look genuinely fun. It has an air of dance, a team battle, and fantasy. It sends me back to my clubbing days in Miami. However, there are plenty of commercials that make a wealth of activities seem like fun; I generally ignore them. Though in this case, it’s not the game; it’s the music. After a number of instances, I look up the song. To my surprise, the title of that song was… “Happier Than Ever.” I was genuinely perplexed. I’ve heard this song before, and it was nothing like the music from the commercial. I start to play the tune online, it’s the same as I remember, but this time, I continue. It crescendos halfway through into the section that is so familiar from the Beat Saber commercial.
The music is great and catchy as are her vocals. Though as exceptional as they are, the words are phenomenal. It is the embodiment of the next generation of the #MeToo movement. She dares to set boundaries… nay, she demands them. She challenges conventions by asserting that “I don’t relate to you… because I’d never treat me this shitty.” Subtly, she stands her ground as equals instead of a submissive woman. She outlines how he mistreats her. In it, you not only feel her vulnerability, but also her pure courage. It’s both heartbreaking and empowering. She demands him to “don’t waste the time I don’t have” and finally “just fucking leave me alone!”
Her words are often eloquent, sometimes blunt, but simple. They’re believable from the mouth of a woman of her age, who just turned twenty. There’s an intoxicating rawness and honesty to her words and music. I can’t help but to think that she’s a product of the generations of courageous women who paved that road before her. In a roundabout way, both a victory and celebration of all those women. And this is all on just the second half of this song.
Just like that, I finally understood the appeal and the fascination. Watching Simu Liu play Beat Saber to this song is just a bonus.
After all of it, I can’t help but to appreciate this woman, not just in her music but also in her simply being. She dresses in loose clothes because she refuses to be judged by her physique. Her hair color is not a function of popularity or mass appeal, it’s simply the way she wanted at that moment. How cool is that? During an interview with Jimmy Fallon, she describes her synesthesia. I had never heard of this condition before and found it fascinating. The most interesting part of this conversation is how she has the poise and confidence to talk about this condition so casually without fear of ridicule.
We need more people like Billie Eilish who have the courage to unapologetically be their most authentic self. I dare say that I even admire her in a way. Though it’s abundantly clear that she doesn’t care about my opinion; it doesn’t affect her self-esteem, not one bit. And that’s perfect.