and Words
And it says that loving takes this course
Come here, come here
No I’m not impossible to touch
I have never wanted you so much
Come here, come here
Have I never laid down by your side
Baby, let’s forget about this pride
Come here, come here
Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.
We live in an age of excess. We anticipate the big moments, the grand gestures like the winning Olympic medals. “Go big or go home”, they say. It’s almost as if our lives are meaningless without these moments. We’re collectively aspire for the grandiose gestures… The chocolate fountains at birthday parties… The gifting of new cars for presents… We idolize athletes and celebrities.
It’s an illusion. An extraordinary life is full of ordinary moments. Brené Brown speaks to how we spend so much of our lives chasing the extraordinary moments, that we miss the simple moments. This post is a gentle reminder about one of those moments.
There’s a scene out of Before Sunrise, a young woman and young man meet on a train going through Europe and decide to spend the day together in Vienna. He flies back the following morning to the states, and she gets back on the train to Paris. Thus, they know that they only have the one day together.
Without question it is one of my favorite films. For me to describe an iota of the film would be to do it a gross injustice. Even to recite the dialog verbatim without the glances, the gestures, and the body language is to do it a disservice. It is simply exquisite in the delicate way in which it’s all weaved and composed.
And yet, even through all that, I’ll describe one scene, if only to persuade you to watch it.
After spending much of the afternoon together the young couple wanders into a music store and browse through some records. They look at one particular album and decide to go into a listening booth. And they start to play this particular song by Kath Bloom.
This scene starts by gently placing the tonearm onto the record. You can hear the staticky ‘silence’ from the lead-in to the song; that silence quickly broken by the notes from the acoustic guitar. The listening booth is barely large enough to accommodate the two of them; they stand side by side though at a slight angle.
As the song plays, they listen to the music; they look out into the open with a feigned casualness. Meanwhile, the lyrics to the song continue almost directing their behavior to ‘come here’, and they exchange glances. Each of them subsequently takes their turn fixing the gaze upon the other, each time with a flirty yearning that defies description. As this continues, their eyes will occasionally lock upon the others, only to have one of them look away from the sheer intensity of the moment. Deliciously, they both play this figurative dance that fluctuates between the electricity between them and casual feigned denial of ‘oh, nothing is happening here’.
Not a single word was uttered in this moment, yet the tension between them was palpable. You’ll feel your pulse quicken as you witness their exchange, and more you’ll yearn to return to that moment upon your own life. You’ll quietly wonder if one of them will finally take the plunge, and just at that moment the song transitions from playing in the booth to part of the soundtrack as they continue to explore Vienna.
All that I’ve described is two people listening to a song in a listening booth; this trivially happens many times a day. Is this extraordinary or ordinary?
If you should happen to watch this film, know that there are two sequels that follow, each spaced around ten years apart. I thoroughly enjoyed them both as well.
I remember watching “Kramer vs. Kramer” at the theaters when I was young. I was much too young to understand the implications of divorce or the battle for custody. I lived in an Asian-American community, where divorce was still taboo. The one scene I distinctly understood even as a young boy was the final breakfast scene between the father and his young son. The two quietly prepared French toast together as they anticipated their separation. It was also heartwarmingly funny because it demonstrated how much the two had grown to integrate their lives together in stark contrast from the horrific breakfast scene at the start of the film.
Yet, it’s just breakfast.
The secret to living a life filled with these amazing moments is deceptively simple. It’s just a matter of understanding that you are already living those magical moments and appreciating them as they occur.
Before we got our house, my wife (then girlfriend) lived crosstown. The drive wasn’t long, but still we saw each other mostly on the weekends. Occasionally, I’d call her on a Wednesday afternoon and ask her if she was available for dinner; we’d typically go across the street to the sushi place. It was our mid-week date night, and it was an incredible treat.
I was recently asked to name an ordinary moment for which I’m grateful. Meanwhile, as we sat down to dinner, pizza delivery on a Wednesday evening, I reflected back on this moment. Meanwhile, she sits down next to me on the couch as we watch television with our respective plates of pizza. Subsequently, I type my response. I’m so deeply grateful that she’s here next to me. It’s the moment I cherished a dozen years before; it’s date night seven days per week.
My aspiration is to never take ‘dinner’ for granted.
If you’re reading, take a moment to reflect upon your day, especially the moments which you share with others. Know now that you’ll miss those inane exchanges with siblings… You’ll smile instead of lament your children’s use of emoji and how they test your aging eyesight… You’ll chuckle at your mother’s finding of the dictation button for texts on her phone, who now composes dissertations on SMS…
An extraordinary life is full of ordinary moments.