and Words
Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don’t you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you’d never been
But all the things that you’ve seen
Will slowly fade away
Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.
As I watched the Academy Awards a few weeks ago, the movie “Everything Everywhere All at Once” won most of the awards for which it was nominated. I celebrated in stoic Asian pride as I watched people who looked like me shuffle onto the stage. I watched the film only a few days preceding the Academy Awards, and to be perfectly honest it took more brain power for my state of inebriation at that moment.
Naturally, many of the faces on the stage were familiar. However, there was one face, both on the stage and in the film that I was familiar, but I couldn’t quite place. I scrolled through the cast listed in IMDB. It was there that I got my answer, the actor was Harry Shum Jr. Though now that I have a name to go with the face, the question was… “Where have I seen him before?”
I continued to browse through the list of projects and roles. It wasn’t Glee, which I don’t really watch. It wasn’t Grey’s Anatomy either, which I stopped watching years ago. There was a specific role which was especially memorable, so I continued to look. That movie was All My Life. Honestly, I didn’t even remember the name of the film, but it came to me when I read the description of the film.
Be forewarned, there are spoilers ahead, but it won’t ruin your watching the film.
The film follows a young couple. It starts with heartfelt narration from a woman’s voice, played by Jessica Rothe of Happy Death Day fame, and it sets the tone for this story. It is their story.
Chronologically, it begins just before they meet, as each set of friends congregate in the same bar. Sol walks off to get more drinks, both amused and a bit embarrassed at his friends’ attempt to get her friends’ attention. Jenn’s attraction was immediate, as telegraphed by her eye contact. She follows; intrigued by him. They flirt and hit it off fabulously
On a personal note, I watched as this romance, between a Caucasian woman and an Asian man, flourishes. I see the parallels in the gestures between me and my spouse in my life. I held my breath, waiting for the mention of race. It never came. Their romance transcended race, culture, and gender stereotypes. Their friends, a cultural and racial kaleidoscope, similarly painted a world where race didn’t matter.
I watched as this couple grew closer and stronger together, simple little gestures at a time. On a sunny afternoon, as they stroll around, he breaks into song. He serenades her to this song, “Don’t Look Back in Anger.” He remembers from their first date that she loves this song. At first, she simply calls him a dork, until she realizes what is occurring. Meanwhile, local musicians accompany his voice. The singing is subtle at first, until friends and family abruptly surround them, and all break out in song.
I cannot adequately describe the scene, so you’ll need to watch it. Jenn’s expression as she is overwhelmed with emotion similarly engulfs you in pure emotion. It is both joyful and downright crippling. Everyone celebrates their affection. Their friends and family are unified through them. They express pure joy as they watch these two start their life together, indeed as he proposes.
They continue to grow closer together, and they continue to be the spiritual force for each other and their friends… even through his liver cancer diagnosis. It was optimistic at first, until it wasn’t. They each have moments of crushing, heart-breaking despair, which they take with grace. Through it all they support each other… He as he faces death, and she as she watches her love dying
It is in this moment, that their friends insist that they should go through with the wedding. They each contribute a bit to get the GoFundMe page started. They reach their target of $20k. The bride shop donates the wedding dress, whichever dress Jenn chooses to wear. The wedding planner finds them a venue and refuses to take money for it. It’s no longer simply their friends; the entire world cheers for them.
From one moment to the next, I was cheering and then weeping as Sol eventually succumbs to cancer.
As the credit rolls, I came to a startling realization. This heartbreaking story of Jenn and Sol was true. I’m not sure how I missed the “Inspired by real events…” in the start, but somehow, I did. Meanwhile, they show videos of their actual wedding day. In one abrupt moment, characters in a movie that had depth and charm are now real-world people, and it overwhelms me with emotion. That GoFundMe fundraising campaign wasn’t for $20k. It was for $50k, and yes, they met it. If you’d like some details, read on.
I don’t expect you to remember their names; I didn’t. Likewise, I don’t expect you to remember this song; I didn’t. However, I can’t escape the spirit and optimism in which they conducted their lives together. I can understand how all their friends (and even perfect strangers) cheered and celebrated with them.
Jenn and Sol spent 128 days as a married couple. That’s barely over four months. I’ve sleepwalked that many days; I’ve coasted through both school and work for that duration.
Many years ago, I remember a young comedian by the name of Rick Reynolds. He had a routine where he sped through his box of Oreo cookies, until the very last one. That last one was special; he celebrated that last Oreo. On a particularly inauspicious day, he sped through his box of Oreos in similar fashion, except this time he sped through that last one before he realized it. As he wept over his ‘lost’ Oreo, he came to a startling realization. The secret to life is to treat each and every Oreo as if it were your last one.
Celebrate each day. Every. Single. One. To channel Sol as he spoke to his friends, go do it. It’s now or never. No need to remember their names, just live as they did… Optimistically and fearlessly.