and Words
You don’t know why I’m crazy
I don’t know why your blue
You messed with my head
You messed with the dead
Now I’m gonna mess with you
I don’t know why your lazy
I’m so in love with you
What’s God gonna see
Who’s God gonna know
When’s God gonna help us through
Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.
In the mid-1990s, I fell in love with Sophie B. Hawkins. I refer not to the depths of altruistic romantic love, nor did I stalk her or any such nonsense. I’ll describe it as a deep fascination for her. She first came to my attention with As I Lay Me Down. That song prompted me to get this album (Whaler), followed by her preceding album (Tongues and Tails). I enjoyed both albums, though I won’t tell you that either is the equivalent of Journey’s Escape.
Whaler, in particular, exudes a certain vulnerability and intimacy. Having seen her in concert, I have observed her exert assertiveness and femininity, yet they’re not in contrast; they’re in unison. Her voice is undeniably feminine; her words unmistakably assertive. The entire album feels like you’ve come upon her open journal, with words seducing you to read them. Hearing her music feels almost like an intrusion upon her privacy until she figuratively looks directly at you and winks.
As I listened to this album, I came upon another gem. Ironically I couldn’t find it at first, but more on that later.
Part of my fascination with her involved her sexual orientation. I didn’t judge; I have close friends who are gay. My mind raced as I heard her words with such deep intimacy and vulnerability. She dropped subtle hints in her songs. For instance:
From “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover”, which suggests that she has had women lovers:
I sat on a mountainside with peace of mind
And I lay by the ocean
Makin’ love to her with visions clear
Walked the days with no one near
From “The Ballad of Sleeping Beauty”, which suggests that she has had men lovers:
I can’t deny, I can’t explain, I can’t reply, I can’t refrain
I want his hands, I want his chest, I want his feet, I want his sex
Which left me a bit perplexed. Years later, as I converse with my cousin while listening to music, he casually mentions that Hawkins is omnisexual. Keep in mind, this was in the mid-1990s. This meant two things. First, the internet was in its infancy and we couldn’t get information after a few keystrokes. Second, any public figure coming out as anything but heterosexual puts their career at risk.
Though this won’t surprise anyone who listens to her music, her openness about her sexual orientation is simply an extension of her expression. Not only is she fearless, she’ll inspire you to follow suit.
I listened to this album in CD format in the 1990s, before internet access. This means no instant access to music metadata. As I listened to the music, generally in sequential order, I identified music by the lyrics (or track number). The more I listened to this album, the more this song caught my attention. She sang with raw honesty and with uninhibited sexuality. However, nowhere during the entire song does she utter the words “the ballad of sleeping beauty” nor make any references to the character. Figuring out the name of the song became a process of elimination.
The chorus and its unrestrained message of optimism is what first enchanted me:
Only love can set us free
Only love can bear the truth
Only love can bring us peace
Only love can save me and you
Only love can purify
Only love can conquer fear
Only love can testify
Only love can make a miracle of life
And factoring out the raw sensuality of the remainder of the song. It is a universal message of raw optimism, in a completely credible voice. Much like her fearlessness, her optimism is contagious.
Yet this message from decades ago fits especially today. As I read more posts with such hateful words, I found that love is precisely what we need. I reflect on hateful words that sprout from fear. Fear from those who are different. I observe how we focus on our differences instead of our similarities. Time and time again we choose to vilify instead of empathize.
Somehow we turned the virtues of tolerance and empathy on their side and turned them into vices. Practicing those very ideals will now label you a “sucker”. Any suggestion to show anyone the slightest form of compassion is labeled as “woke”. That word, when used in a derogatory way, is a parody of itself. Moreover, spiritual awakening is synonymous with enlightenment and wisdom. Yet, we criticize people for being too tolerant or too empathetic.
We fall into the trap of doomscrolling. Our senses are saturated with stories, sometimes true, but often exaggerated, eroding our trust in each other. These stories are posted with such alarming frequency to make exceedingly rare events, like humans struck by lightning or shark attacks, seem commonplace. Meanwhile, social media companies understand people engage with negative news more than positive news and that’s precisely what they feed you. After all, why would a drug dealer make their product less addictive? They prostitute your peace of mind for their profits.
Just because you instinctively kick your leg when struck in the knee doesn’t mean you need to; you can resist. You can hear “Marco” without responding with “Polo”. You can choose empathy over fear. Choose trust over distrust. Choose peace over conflict. Similarly, you need not take the bait; you have free will.
And maybe in this new year, this is precisely what we need. Let’s listen to that altruistic love message and bring us forward collectively. I’ll close this post with the same words that closed Hawkins’s song, “Only love can make a miracle of life.”