and Words
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dream of
Once in a lullaby, oh
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dream of
Dreams really do come true-ooh-ooh
Someday I’ll wish upon a star
Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.
I won’t tell you that I’m well-read. Truthfully, I’m a notoriously slow reader. In high school, a friend devoured books and always astonished me. I handed him a book in the morning, and he’d return it by the afternoon. It was during this time when I grew fascinated with the masters of words in science fiction and fantasy. I would jot down lists of books that I may someday get through. My mind soared with each word I read from the likes of Heinlein, Zelazny, Eddings, Moorcock, or Asprin. It was during this time when I contemplated the idea of becoming a novelist.
Months later I would take the PSAT. Honestly, I didn’t even know what it was; I simply knew that we were herded into the library to take this cryptic test for hours and eventually we’d get the results. I still remember that conversation with my guidance counselor. The test indicated that I had a great aptitude for mathematics and engineering. When I asked about my potential as a writer, the response was scarcely more polite than “You have the writing aptitude of a house plant.”
And just like that, my career as a novelist ended. I also considered going into medicine, which I’m sure will alarm some of you. Mathematics and science did come easy to me. Though I was nearly a straight A student in high school; the one subject that I consistently got B’s in was… English. Is this a sign?
I attended two summer programs when I was in high school. The first was at my high school on the summer of my sophomore year; the next was a year later at the University of Miami. They were both geared towards mathematics, computer programming, and engineering. It too tickled my mind in ways that I had not anticipated.
It was that last summer program that clinched my decision. I would become an engineer or a programmer. Seeking knowledge for the sake of knowledge, like natural scientists is certainly interesting, but the art of applying the science to build something new… What’s not to love about the marriage of science and art?
I dutifully went into electrical engineering at that same school I attended the previous summer, and that’s where I stayed. This was not a compromise; I love what I do. It tickles crevices in my mind that I wouldn’t have thought was possible. I have now been in the field for 30 years.
I can’t help but to wonder what it’d be like to be a novelist. Honestly, it’s not even the mechanics of putting words to figurative paper. It has nothing to do with the process of being alone for hours as I transcribe ideas from my mind onto the page by tapping keys. It’s the idea that I may inspire people in the same way that those words inspired me when I first discovered reading. It’s that idea with which I fell in love.
Though you never know. Robert A. Heinlein was a military engineer but could not say in the military due to a medical condition, so he started writing; it was just that simple. He was considered to be a Grand Master by some. Maybe writing is still in my future.
It was at around the 90’s when I started to read online journals. It was deeply interesting to read through the events and thoughts of others out there. One started as comedic and turned very different once they had a child with special needs; he has published books on the issue. There is a certain raw reality to reading through people’s life’s events as they unfold.
It inspired me to start my own online journal; I just picked one day, and I started to write. I don’t even remember precisely how I did it, I just did. In fact, it was through a web search on the Seattle weather (and its subsequent comparison to Florida) that a charming woman came upon my page. She was moving to the Seattle area and was curious about the weather. It’s now over twenty years later and we now share a house together. If nothing else, my writing was instrumental to meeting her, and for that I’ll be eternally grateful.
My page was hosted in Geocities, which is long since gone. Nothing ever dies on the internet, and there’s been at least one service who has archived it. You’ll find it if you look hard enough. I have an archive of it, but don’t really look at it. Not that it matters, since I had stopped writing a journal. I witnessed too many relationships poisoned by the telling of daily events that had been broadcast for public consumption. I concluded that these were not strictly my stories to tell, so I stopped. My brief stint into writing stopped.
It was when we started dating when my wife and I watched a little film called Finding Forrester. We both thoroughly enjoyed the film, occasionally quoting it. It tells the story of a black teen who writes and does it exceptionally well. He crosses paths with a reclusive writer who becomes his mentor, played by Sean Connery. On the way, he finds basketball as a vehicle to get an education and struggles with social stereotypes of his ability as a writer. This is a vast oversimplification; you should watch the film; it’s only two hours of your time. 😉
At first it didn’t occur to me why it resonated with me so deeply. I simply thought that it was a well-made film, anchored by the performance of an iconic actor. Though upon further reflection it made sense. There are many parallels between the main character, Jamal Wallace and me. Some of these similarities are circumstantial and others are aspirational.
We both aspired to be writers at around the same age. I never got off my ass to do anything about it, and he did. I watched the film in quiet fascination about the entire process by which they write. How much of it is mechanical? What do they do to find inspiration? I marveled at how they both took pride in the writing and conceded that writing and re-writing was an arduous, necessary process.
We both grew up poor and without fathers. We both grew up with modest means; what we got was a function of what we could afford. This reflected on our ability to pay for school, our ability to eat extravagantly, or even the practice of putting milk in soup. Even as teens, we both operated fiercely independently, almost autonomously from our mothers; oftentimes we made life-altering decisions on our own.
We both found other means to success apart from writing. For him, this vehicle was basketball; it was his ticket. He was good enough at it that it bestowed certain perks. For me, it was programming and engineering, a field where I have spent decades. I’ve yet to make a single penny from writing; in some ways, I’d like to cross that threshold so that I may legitimately call myself a professional writer.
We both struggled with social stereotypes. For him, it was the disbelief that a black, teen basketball player might be able to write well. I faced downright racism as I grew up, occasionally getting into fights over it. More than once I’ve heard the astonished expression, “You speak English well.”, not expecting an Asian-American to be articulate. Lastly, we both dated outside our own race.
I won’t give away any more of the plot. You should watch the film.
As the credits to the film roll, this song subtly starts and plays as Jamal plays basketball with his friend, Fly. It’s an adaptation of the famous song from the Wizard of Oz. This rendition has a more relaxed, island feel to it as it is accompanied by the ukulele. It suits the mood of the ending well. The tone and words express a simple optimism. They speak not of grandiose accomplishments and gestures, but of simple joys and pleasures.
I’ve heard this version in a handful of other instances, and it fondly brings me back to this film and all the nuances of the characters. I reflect on the conversations, the gestures exchanged between the characters, the defeats and the triumphs. It all adds depth and warmth to the film; it’s among my favorites. Remembering either the film or the song always brightens my mood.
The film ends and you’re left with little doubt about Jamal’s future and his writing. The jury is still out for me, as this story is still developing.