and Words
No, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows
No, I can’t forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.
I know this may seem surreal, but the first time I heard a rendition of this song, it was a Spanish cover. Based strictly on the time released, we must have been in Puerto Rico. More than once did I try to find that particular rendition, though sadly I was never able to track it down. I didn’t quite remember the artist nor the name of the song in Spanish. I mostly remember the first few notes which set the tone for the remainder of the song.
Strangely, music from that era in my life generally remind me mostly of the events of the time. The memories rarely correlate to the content or nature of the song. This makes sense in a very mechanically rational way, when you’re less than ten years old, you retain memories, but you have done little real living. I can’t tell you that I’ve ever had a love that crushed me in the way that is told in this account, but that’s the beauty of a good song, isn’t it?
Each time the song starts, its mere recognition gives me a certain tranquility. The gentle notes as the song starts are simple but distinctive, and so is Harry Nilsson’s voice as this tune continues. This song is the perfect combination between words, music, and vocal performance. In it we feel his sadness as he watches his love exit his life, powerless to change a thing. We live his frustration knowing that he “can’t give anymore”. Quietly we bear witness to that moment that crushes him as he breathlessly wails in agony. As this tune continues between verses and chorus, it oscillates between simple storytelling and helpless longing. His voice transitions from conversational to singing to soul-crushing torture as he carries us through this experience. It all happens within the span of four minutes.
As I grew older, the cynic in me wondered if most people are even capable of love like this. It’s fascinating to watch the type of love that absolutely shatters your life upon its end. Is this level of intensity something to yearn for or avoid? In a poetic way, we admire or even envy passion like this. Are we even capable of passion of this intensity? Inversely, should we aspire for romances that do not consume our very existence? Do we want to lose our sense of self to this degree? Is it simply enough to bear witness to this level of passion or are we compelled to live it?
Naively, I didn’t imagine that the Spanish rendition was a cover when I first heard it. This was one of the songs that my sister played in a regular rotation, most likely off a record or cassette tape. It seems silly now, but even living in a Chinese household, speaking Spanish with the locals, and learning English in school, it did not occur to me that this song may be a translation from a different language. To me, this song transcended cultures in a way that little other music did; it was a cultural bridge from my life in Puerto Rico to the one here in the States.
It was years ago when I referred to this very song to a friend, to which he responded as“that song by Mariah Carey”. I subsequently snapped in mock anger and mentioned that it was Harry Nilsson who released it decades before she did. To me, his is the one true rendition of this timeless classic. Though at the time I didn’t truly realize the incredible provenance of this song. Though I was right about Nilsson releasing this single before Carey, I was wrong about Nilsson’s release being the first release. In some strange irony, it turns out the joke was on me.
“Without You” was written and initially released by Badfinger, though I’m not sure they released it as a single. Their rendition does have that 1970’s sound and feels dated in comparison. It lacks Nilsson’s timelessness, raw emotion, and devastating vocals. Still I can’t help but to be grateful to Peter Ham and Tom Evans of Badfinger for writing this classic. I came to discover that they both committed suicide; this saddened me.
This little song was originally recorded over fifty years ago. It was released as a single by three artists, but it has been covered and recorded over 150 times. I’m not convinced that I can name 150 recording artists off the top of my head; that’s the scope of this song. Thanks to Spotify, I have patiently started listening to about a half-dozen of these recordings only to stop midway. The one that surprised me the most? I learned that Heart was among the artists that recorded it. Paul McCartney, the former Beatle, had even described this ballad as “the killer song of all time”.
While I don’t actively listen to Mariah Carey, I have no objections to her as a recording artist in general. In fact, I found her recording to be (a distant) second to Nilsson’s among the ones that I heard. In my mind, they simply don’t compare to that version by Harry Nilsson, though I have no intentions in tracking down all 150+ recordings. Though part of me wonders if there’s a cover of this song in Cantonese among those 150 versions.
This rendition continues to play in a number of my playlists, and I hope that it always elicits that same raw emotion that it did so many years ago. Though for a bit of nostalgia, I hope to someday find that Spanish cover. 🙂